My First Boyfriend

Boy, oh boy…. This one is an interesting one to even think about because it's been so long. Let’s talk about my first boyfriend.

To make a long story, short about how we met and fell in looOOooOve… this is all you need to know. I met this boy whilst in my freshman biology class in high school. He was that funny kid that made fun of/flirted/terrorized our teacher. It was enough to make me roll my eyes and become smitten with him all at the same time. We started to hang out before I would have to go to basketball practice and sometimes I would even be late to practice because I wanted to squeeze in a few extra minutes with him. After a couple of times of hanging out, we had our first kiss. Let me tell you….this was THE most disgusting encounter of my life. If you know anything about where I went to high school, we had a set of stairs that we would call “the big stairs.”

Sooo a top the big stairs, we were just standing there, and the vibes were all right, like there were some obvious teenage hormones flying all about the place. Mind you, it is so flipping cold outside so if this man was going to kiss me, he needed to do it quick or else I was going to lose all of my fingers to frostbite. He ends up kissing me and then all of a sudden SHOVES his tongue down my throat to the point where I physically make the most violent gagging noise and then he laughed and ran away.

 

I must've been really in love with this man to continue speaking to him after that because... EW.

Fast forward, Christmas break rolls around we are talking everyday and I basically told him that I loved him and he said it back, obviously.. and then he asked me to be his girlfriend when we returned to school from break. This was possibly the best 10 months I could've ever imagined as a 15 year old girl. I have never been so excited and happy, but I have also never experienced the type of patience and hurt that a process like this requires. This was one of the first experiences I had where it was okay to not be perfect. This boy was in love with me and everything that came with me. I didn’t have to wear makeup. I didn’t have to look or act a certain way. It was the first time in my life that I felt like I could be genuinely myself. My life up to that point, I never felt like I was able to be who I wanted to be. I was like a robot who followed the classic routine of doing sports, going to school, and getting perfect grades. There was always a pressure to be perfect and with him, I didn’t have to be.

Ultimately, this relationship ended because we were young, and temptations mixed with bad influences got the best of him.

Falling in love that young is so dangerous and not being able to be open about it, while having it be accepted, is one of the hardest things possible. My relationship with this boy was kept a secret from my father, which didn’t help the matters that I outlined in my last post.

I feel like I’m obligated to quote song lyrics in every single one of my posts, so as the great Ariana Grande recently said, “I’m so [freaking] grateful for my ex.” He really did teach me a lot about relationships. I was able to figure out the type of person I am in a relationship, and although it wasn’t all bad – it was enough to help me set the standard for what I will and will not accept when it comes to love. But this is a lesson that I wasn’t just going to learn overnight. I am still learning from this experience and trying to come to terms with practicing and manifesting what I deserve when it comes to relationships and friendships.