I’ve tried to write this a million times because trying to decide how I want to express my feelings is really difficult on this one…
(This is not about an ex, btw)
I think I’m going to write this one mostly in letter format, so here we go.
I’m finding it more difficult than I thought to adjust to a love that is not abusive and draining. I have found it hard to accept a love that is not one-sided. Now, I know what a lot of people would say. “All of those things are not love…” But when you have only know that to be your idea of love in relationships that becomes the love that you believe in and that you know.
It’s so crazy that just a few short months ago, I finally believed that I was ready for the type of relationship and friendship that I deserved and then there you were, right there in my Bumble feed! Every day you are teaching me more and more about things that I never thought would be acceptable. You are teaching me that affection isn’t “overbearing.” You are teaching me that I don’t have to take care of everything. You are teaching me that it’s okay to be imperfect and just straight up human, and you’ll think I’m a goddess no matter what. Most importantly, you are teaching me that it’s not impossible to be on the same page.
We have moved quickly in this relationship, but it wasn’t forced, and sometimes it makes me question if one day you’ll get bored or annoyed with me – but it’s so easy to snap back into the present with you and remember that this isn’t that. You are the love I manifested. You are the person I prayed for.
I don’t want to overdo it on the headass-ery, but I’m a little simp for you. Thank you for providing me the security I’ve been needing. Thank you for not being a yes-man, but being a man who will show up always and support me in all the things. Thank you for showing me that a love doesn’t have to be full-on consuming and that we can just be.
I just hope I’m providing you with the same support and love that you give me. I hope you know that I see you as an absolute angel. I will continue to grow with you and appreciate you. Who you are and where you come from is more than enough for me and I couldn’t be more grateful and blessed to be a part of your story.
Adoration doesn’t even begin to describe this love.
To anyone who is in the position where they are accepting the love they think they deserve, there is better – but you absolutely have to believe that. You have to believe with every fiber of your being that you are more than deserving of everything that comes with. That comes with letting go. It comes with forgiveness. It comes with heartbreaking calls. It comes with all of these things that physically hurt so bad that you can’t will yourself to believe that the sun will come up… but it does. Shit falls in your lap when you believe that it will and that is true for everything in this life. Being comfortable with bullshit is more painful in the long run than uncomfortably pushing yourself and your mind to becoming the person you have always dreamt of being.
Alexa, please play “Get You” by Daniel Ceasar