Lessons From the Man Who Tried To Take Advantage of Me

A lot of truth is about to come out and there are only a handful of people who know the true story about this and what actually went down. I want to say that before I start, this is a “relationship” I avoid talking about and thinking about because it was so incredibly terrifying, damaging, and disgusting. I also want to put out the disclaimer that I am in no way looking for sympathy from this situation. This blog has been used as a medium to connect with men and women who have gone through similar experiences and to share my truth because that is what is therapeutic for me. This blog post will probably be one of my deeper ones and there may be some triggering content.

Around the time that I was going through my relationship/breakup with the boy who changed my world (blog post here: https://lessonsfrommyexes.blogspot.com/2019/03/i-am-feeling-lot-of-love-in-my-heart.html), I earned my first job through a family friend’s connections. This had me really excited that I was about to be making my own money and it just felt like my first chance at freedom. I met my new employer at a local bar for my interview because everything was very spur of the moment. I got the job on the spot and there was an instant feeling of trust and loyalty. My job required a lot of me and, now that I look back it, it was very unprofessional and disturbing. I didn’t really have set work hours, nor a way to clock in and out. I worked in an apartment that he claimed he worked from because he owned the entire complex and I was basically his assistant. I ran errands, typed up certain documents for his business, and went to business meetings with him.

Like I said before, I felt a sense of loyalty the second I met him. Throughout my first couple of days working for him, I explained to him my family situation and he expressed a lot of interest in that. Explaining my situation with my dad and how I felt about everything was enough for him to want to take on the “dad” role and take care of me. He wanted to help me pay for college, he paid me above minimum wage, and he even bought me a new phone when I broke mine. He was very fatherly and very protective, until he wasn’t. I made a mistake one day when I was out running errands for him and accidentally turned his car into a pole. There was no major damage that was done that I could see, but because of this mistake I worked longer hours, doing extra work that wouldn’t really be considered to be in my job description to pay off the damages.

Long story short, comments about my age and body were made, as well as I was brushed up against on “accident” while I was doing this extra work. Besides harassment, this man was also providing me with the option to take weed from him and trips to take with him and the company that was made up of no employees except myself. I ended up being “fired” from this job via text message because of a dispute with my mom. When this happened, I blamed her for everything. I was so upset and disappointed that because of her I know longer had a job, which felt like the only way I was going to be able to go to college without playing soccer and get out of Reno.

My mom is a very smart woman and she deals with predators like this and worse than him for a living. Although, she doesn’t know every detail of what went down, she knew enough to pull me out of an unsafe situation. After being fired I realized, deep down, that his intentions with me were not pure nor professional. For a long time, I did not want to admit what had happened or come to terms with it because I have never been in the presence of such evil and manipulation. I have only recently been able to tell the full extent of this story to someone that is very close to me. While telling this story, I realized that I knew the exact moment I figured out this man’s game.

A couple years after this incident, I felt like I had moved on from the situation and didn’t feel like I really had to cope with it because no physical damage was actually done. I was home from college on a break and out shopping with one of my best friend’s moms. We had gone into a store and something felt off about walking in there because the last time I had walked in there, I was with this man. I made sure to scan the parking lot for his car, but it was nowhere to be found, so everything felt okay. I walked in and all I remember is seeing this giant pair of calves that seemed so recognizable, but there was no way that this was who I thought it was.

Sure enough…

There he was. I tried to escape his line of vision to me, but I am pretty sure he recognized me by my hair and when I turned into the same aisle that he was in, he looked me dead in my eye and opened his mouth to speak. I grabbed the little girl I was with so quick and sprinted out of the store. I am pretty sure it looked like I was shoplifting or something, but I didn’t care. In that moment, every feeling from everything he ever said or did to me took over my being. I was so frozen. So numb.

With all of that being said, I learned a lot. I learned you can’t trust a lot of people, but someone in my life I can always trust is my mom. She may do things that I don’t agree with, but I was wrong to underestimate her intelligence in this situation. I also learned that people with money and status are very good at manipulating you into thinking you need them. Respecting yourself and the morals within you is the most important thing.

I didn’t know what a Sugar Daddy was at the time, but I am pretty sure that is what he was trying to be to me. Looking back, the whole experience was absolutely disgusting and damaging to who I was to become in later years. I have problems with trusting promises, being touched a certain way, and being in certain situations all because of what this man put me through. In this post I did not highlight certain details or the extremities of what was supposed to be a professional relationship, all because it is too personal.  If you have ever been or felt like you were in an unsafe and bad situation because of the way someone is treating you or behaving toward you, you owe it to your present and future self, along with your mental stability, to remove yourself from the situation. I learned that money and opportunity come around. I did not need him to achieve all that I have, but the experience did help me mature.