Lessons From the Boy Who Understood Me

I knew there was something weird about today, but I couldn’t quite put my finger on it. There was nothing out of the ordinary that happened. I had to wake up DUMB early for work, do some origami (don’t ask), walked around the little shopping center, took my pup to get his first professional grooming, and took a nap. Oh! I also found $20, so that was cool. Almost cool enough to make a sunny and warm day a whole lot better, but it didn’t. All day I found myself craving to get these words out about a boy that I never thought would still be on my mind to this day.

This relationship thing was the first thing I got into after I went through a really hard time with my breakup from the guy I wrote my last blog about. It was the most unexpected thing ever. We had known each other throughout the entirety of my high school career, but it was this one night that changed everything. It was a Halloween party and mannnnn did I look cute! But anyway, I was in a pretty bad situation on this particular night and I never thought he would be the one by my side making sure I was okay and getting home safely. This was the night of our first kiss and, I swear, right after this I knew in my head and in my heart that this was the last relationship I would ever be in. (Obviously, that was my high school brain, but still. My feelings in this moment are simply unmatched.)

After this, everything between us was a whirlwind and with whirlwinds come complications, as the friend groups we were associated with at the time wouldn’t like it nor would they understand it. Keeping secrets about things I am proud of or things that I am passionate about is extremely difficult for me, but I knew in not keeping this secret I would lose one of the biggest blessings I have had in my life. But the confidence of this relationship was not all bad by any means. This gave me the biggest lesson about how relationships are supposed to be. It was just us. No one knew and no one had to know. There was no social media involved (besides us sending each other funny and relatable tweets) and there was no one else involved to put in their two cents as they deemed necessary. It was just us.

As I have already described, this happened in high school and probably at the most pivotal time during our senior year. We both didn’t know exactly what we were going to do for college, if sports were involved or where it was going to take us. We began talking about going to school together (…. Which is a conversation he has conveniently forgotten. No tea. No shade.) and trying to figure out the future was something we weren’t good at talking about or planning. Me being me, a loyal Leo, looked into some schools he was getting recruiting at, but I ended up getting a scholarship offer I couldn’t refuse before he made up his mind on where he was going to go. This isn’t something we would dwell on too much, and although there were some conflicts that raised from social groups and senior year festivities, we always found our way back to how we were.

Fast forward, we are in college now and mind you we were never officially boyfriend and girlfriend, but he was my boo. Our freshman year we were still very much having consistent Facetime calls, but our athletic schedules were extremely demanding. This made the entire distance thing extremely harder than it already was, but we were pushing through. There was a lot of late nights spent trying to figure out homework assignments and writing topics. Even the first time he told me that he loved me was over during this time apart.

Quick story time: I was feeling really emotional about my dad one night and was just afraid of how to proceed knowing I didn’t have what all these other girls have in terms of family and relationships. It was really dramatic and really hard for me to cope with at the time because I am pretty sure I was PMSing, but he just sat there on the phone and let me rant. I couldn’t be on the phone for too long because we had people coming over for a movie night, so after I was done ranting, we hung up. Not even five minutes later this man called me back and said my real name, which is something he never says, and he paused. For a very long time… and then obviously I was like “…. Hello????” and he goes, “yeah, um, I just needed to tell you something… I love you and I just wanted you to know that.”

This is a conversation I will never forget.

 Eventually the intensity of our schedules and new-found friendships caused us to drift more and more a part, and it hurt. I ended up meeting someone during my time in Iowa (which I’ll write about next week *eye roll*), but nothing could ever replace anything that had to do with how I felt about homie.

As time has gone on and he has found a new relationship that makes him smile and beam like the sun, I would never take back anything in my life that has to do with this man. He was one person that just understood me and I understood him. He got me through rough patches with sports and I was his punching bag during what could’ve been an extremely bad injury. We went through a lot of secrets, a lot of sneaking around to spare feelings of other people, and a whole lot of love. This is one I am still working through and coping with. I’m sure sleeping in his old hoodies and keeping up with his stats doesn’t help, but his success has been a pleasure to witness.

Basically, what I took away from this and him was learning what I was capable of. Although the evolution of us was so quick, it took time to understand that trusting and leaning on someone isn’t impossible. He also taught me that there is someone out there who will understand you. He was and still is amazing and is doing amazing things for himself.

So… to you, if you are reading this. Continue to thrive and chase your dreams. You will forever have my support and love.

No quote this time. Just a song. Remember Me – UMI

P.S. I know this one was longer than most, but I had a lot to say. So if you made it to the end of this, thank you.