I feel like I should just make this a damn surverymonkey instead of a blog because I have so many freaking questions. First of all, can someone just tell me what runs through the male species mind when they are entertaining females? Like I need the actual break down because what the fuck.
This is my thing… I’m completely in a place in my life where I am starting to fully take responsibility for my character flaws and understand where I fall short. With that being said, I am well aware that I do not need to get myself into any sort of “entanglement” (as Jada Pinket Smith would say… *rolls eyes*) because this time of learning and coming to terms with myself is very vulnerable, AND MEN PREY ON THE VULNERABLE… at least the ones I seem to attract. BUT Let’s talk about entanglements anyway because I really need to know your thoughts. I think it is so interesting that this term is a literal buzzword right now because it seems like everyone is in at least one entanglement. I don’t want to discuss it in terms of how Jada Pinkett-Smith used the word because that’s its own situation, buttttt entanglements… GIRRLLLLLLL…… No wonder she’s getting so much backlash. That shit is complicated.
Sure, casual flings can be fun – but respect doesn’t just go out the window just because emotions have. I’ve come into a new thing (it should’ve been a thing my whole life but quarantine had your girl being extremely reflective): I will not just hand out respect. It needs to be earned throughout the time I spend with someone. Now, I’m going to write this the best way I know how and that is in letter form.
To Whom It May Concern:
You really had me. Had me fooled, dazed, smitten, and confused. Don’t get me wrong – the way I feel toward you now is not all your fault, but let’s just reflect. We are taught from a young age a couple of golden rules. One being, treat others how you would like to be treated. Second, actions speak louder than words.
It took me a long time to grasp the concept of the second one because I was brought up by a man whose actions reflected abuse while his words were filled with praise and wit. Looking back now, I realize how much words mean to me. I mean.. shit.. I got a text from a friend today telling me that I’m the strongest person she knows and my ass starts crying. It was so simple what she said, but because of how she treats me and confides in me – I know she really feels that way about me.
With that being said, your words got me. Your actions did too. But they didn’t ever match up. How are you going to have a conversation with me about not wanting a relationship and then spend countless nights in my bed? How are you going to say this is not something long term that you are looking for and then turn around, take me on a date, and rant to me about all these things that I deserve? Where is the sense? Don’t get me wrong – half of the time I didn’t take your ass seriously because I have this very rational thought in my head at all times that there won’t be a guy that I meet to really put in the effort to deal with me and build with me, but for future reference, make sure your shit adds up.
I get it. We are at an age where we are either getting married in the next 72 hours or we are just hanging out and having sex. I mean, there’s definitely a middle but you are too damn ass old to have grey area. Be up front with what you want and proceed accordingly.
Now, this is a direct call out to the boy who told me you only respect me as “friends with benefits.” Hi brother. That shit punctured my pride and self esteem a little bit, I can’t lie. To decode how that statement came across to me was you saying, “Hi. I don’t think we should do what we are doing anymore because I really only respect you as a hoe. See you probably never”. I know who I am, but the amount of time you spent with me and then to turn around and say that was hurtful. My hoe ass was extremely courteous, hospitable, and respectful of everything you have going on for yourself.
Moving on (TO ALL MEN), that’s not me being “iN lOvE” with you, that is just my personality. Your assumptions and lack of interest in my life was the downfall of any friendship and/or relationship that could’ve bloomed here. If you are coming over here into my space and my phone just to hear yourself speak, please take that shit over there. When did your nut become more important than where you invest your time, energy, and money? AND why is you getting your nut more of a priority than the emotions of the person you are choosing to spend your time with? Letabitchknow.
ALSO PSA TO ALL BOYS: HAND HOLDING DOES NOT MEAN I WANT TO MARRY YOU. G’NIGHT.
Yours truly,
J.
In conclusion, I hope someone found comfort in reading this. Whether you are a boy or a girl, people put people through this. You are not the only one feeling these feelings and what you are feeling is valid. But as the great Kiana Lede sang so beautifully, “Yeah, I got to puff up my chest, give it a rest. On to the next, pick up my attitude. I’m always doin’ the most, bitch, let it go. Stop wastin’ time, back on that grind and move. Stay movin’”.
Sent you an email.
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