Skip to main content

Learning & Growing With You

 I’ve tried to write this a million times because trying to decide how I want to express my feelings is really difficult on this one…

 

(This is not about an ex, btw)

 

I think I’m going to write this one mostly in letter format, so here we go.

 

To You,

 

I’m finding it more difficult than I thought to adjust to a love that is not abusive and draining. I have found it hard to accept a love that is not one-sided. Now, I know what a lot of people would say. “All of those things are not love…” But when you have only know that to be your idea of love in relationships that becomes the love that you believe in and that you know. 

 

It’s so crazy that just a few short months ago, I finally believed that I was ready for the type of relationship and friendship that I deserved and then there you were, right there in my Bumble feed! Every day you are teaching me more and more about things that I never thought would be acceptable. You are teaching me that affection isn’t “overbearing.” You are teaching me that I don’t have to take care of everything. You are teaching me that it’s okay to be imperfect and just straight up human, and you’ll think I’m a goddess no matter what. Most importantly, you are teaching me that it’s not impossible to be on the same page.

 

We have moved quickly in this relationship, but it wasn’t forced, and sometimes it makes me question if one day you’ll get bored or annoyed with me – but it’s so easy to snap back into the present with you and remember that this isn’t that. You are the love I manifested. You are the person I prayed for. 

 

I don’t want to overdo it on the headass-ery, but I’m a little simp for you. Thank you for providing me the security I’ve been needing. Thank you for not being a yes-man, but being a man who will show up always and support me in all the things. Thank you for showing me that a love doesn’t have to be full-on consuming and that we can just be.

 

I just hope I’m providing you with the same support and love that you give me. I hope you know that I see you as an absolute angel. I will continue to grow with you and appreciate you. Who you are and where you come from is more than enough for me and I couldn’t be more grateful and blessed to be a part of your story.

 

Adoration doesn’t even begin to describe this love.

 

XO,

 

J.

 

 

To anyone who is in the position where they are accepting the love they think they deserve, there is better – but you absolutely have to believe that. You have to believe with every fiber of your being that you are more than deserving of everything that comes with. That comes with letting go. It comes with forgiveness. It comes with heartbreaking calls. It comes with all of these things that physically hurt so bad that you can’t will yourself to believe that the sun will come up… but it does. Shit falls in your lap when you believe that it will and that is true for everything in this life. Being comfortable with bullshit is more painful in the long run than uncomfortably pushing yourself and your mind to becoming the person you have always dreamt of being. 

 

Alexa, please play “Get You” by Daniel Ceasar

 

Labels:

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Lessons From the Man Who Tried To Take Advantage of Me

A lot of truth is about to come out and there are only a handful of people who know the true story about this and what actually went down. I want to say that before I start, this is a “relationship” I avoid talking about and thinking about because it was so incredibly terrifying, damaging, and disgusting. I also want to put out the disclaimer that I am in no way looking for sympathy from this situation. This blog has been used as a medium to connect with men and women who have gone through similar experiences and to share my truth because that is what is therapeutic for me. This blog post will probably be one of my deeper ones and there may be some triggering content. Around the time that I was going through my relationship/breakup with the boy who changed my world (blog post here: https://lessonsfrommyexes.blogspot.com/2019/03/i-am-feeling-lot-of-love-in-my-heart.html ), I earned my first job through a family friend’s connections. This had me really excited that I was about to be ...
2 comments
Read more

My First Boyfriend

Boy, oh boy…. This one is an interesting one to even think about because it's been so long. Let’s talk about my first boyfriend. To make a long story, short about how we met and fell in looOOooOve… this is all you need to know. I met this boy whilst in my freshman biology class in high school. He was that funny kid that made fun of/flirted/terrorized our teacher. It was enough to make me roll my eyes and become smitten with him all at the same time. We started to hang out before I would have to go to basketball practice and sometimes I would even be late to practice because I wanted to squeeze in a few extra minutes with him. After a couple of times of hanging out, we had our first kiss. Let me tell you….this was THE most disgusting encounter of my life. If you know anything about where I went to high school, we had a set of stairs that we would call “the big stairs.” Sooo a top the big stairs, we were just standing there, and the vibes were all right, like there...
4 comments
Read more