To my people:
I have been having some FAT A** epiphanies as of lately, and
I feel like I just needed to preach a little bit. In one of my recent blogs, I
talked briefly about how time works against us (Here’s the linkypoo to that
blog if you haven’t read it yet:
https://lessonsfrommyexes.blogspot.com/2019/04/lessons-from-boy-who-taught-me-to-love.html)
and I wanted to touch on that a little more, as well as empowerment. I have
been feeling really empowered and this Beyoncé documentary on Netflix that I am
watching with my roomie/bestie (SHOUTOUT MAKENNA FAITH) got me feeling like
THAT B!
We have days where we understand what we need, and we say it
to ourselves in our heads. I have learned that it is important to write these
things down because what we are capable of as humans and in our thoughts is
some of the most important and profound work. I want to take a second to go
back to a statement that I made in the blog about the boy who taught me to love
myself. I said something along the lines of not being able to get with the whole
“loving yourself” movement, and I stand by that 100%. Me being me, I need very
specific goals and with how broad it is to “love yourself” just doesn’t work
for me.
I want to just go on a little rant in order to get my point
across. Today I was brought to tears by three people who hold my heart in the
highest light because they are in positions where they feel mistreated, neglected,
unworthy, or abused. To see people who have given nothing but the world and
their hearts to me, have their heads hung so low is one of the most gut-wrenching
emotions I have felt in the entirety of my existence. These are people who have
taken the steps to create their own paths and loved having someone there by
their side to confide in during all the ups and downs of their endeavors. These
are people who have too much heart and too much trust.
I highlight this moment of disbelief to say, it is the
easiest thing in the world to have an absurd amount of happiness because the
person you are attracted to and in love with the is the person you confide in
and share every secret and detail with. It is beyond easy, but sometimes there
comes a point where that love or feeling of being in love becomes infatuation
with being comfortable. Staying where you feel comfortable is human nature, but
if I have learned anything in the past month it is that being uncomfortable
with all the crazy BS life throws at me is what now makes me comfortable. Throughout
this experience of growing up and coming to my own, I have realized and
recognized my worth and that worth cannot be measured within another person, especially
when that future with someone is not promised.
I say this mostly to say that you could feel an insane
amount of happiness and worthiness in the arms of a lover. That is a given and
that is okay, but when it becomes unhealthy, when you have to second guess yourself
or your partner, or watch what you do and say – that is not ok. This is not the
only person in the world who will give you that feeling of worthiness or
accepts your worthiness with every fiber of their being. To people who know your
heart and know your purity, they KNOW your worth. They take your worth
seriously. So, if you are going through a break up or rough patch with the person
you love and you know deep down in your toes that they aren’t meant for you, it
is okay to take your own path and walk away. That doesn’t mean you aren’t worth
of that person or that you aren’t worthy of anything. To someone, you are
everything.
This is why I have introduced the “I am worthy” movement to
myself instead of just saying “oh yeah, I’m working on loving myself.” Anyone
who comes into your life has to earn your trust, right? You owe to yourself at
all times, but especially when you’re on the bounce back, to re-earn your own
trust. Earn back the respect of yourself that you may have lost in the
consumption of that relationship. Putting that effort, time, money, trust, and
respect into someone else with your fingers crossed that it will be
reciprocated IS a problem. No on will be able to give you what you can give
yourself. Trust doesn’t come easy and, sometimes, it breaks. You owe it to
yourself to rebuild it because otherwise, what’s the point? Our purpose in life
is not to find our person. It is to find yourself and when a person comes along
that complements that love and admiration you have for yourself, that is just
icing on the cake because then you have so much more experience and pure heart
to give.
But this is not and should not be your end goal. You have
one thing for sure in this life and that is you. Don’t let someone take that spot.
Beyoncé said two VERY profound things. One being, "Me, myself, and I, that's all I got in the end. That's what I found out and it ain't no need to cry, I took a vow that from now on I'm gon' my own best friend."
and the other being...
"Always stay gracious, best revenge is your paper."
Comments
Post a Comment